My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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