I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
