I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
