She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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