u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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