I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
