you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
