Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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