My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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