dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
