My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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