Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
