Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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