No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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