trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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