Can i not drive my cunt home
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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