GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
