Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
