Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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