If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
