Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
