No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
