Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
