I will die if light touches me.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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