i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize