I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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