My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my phone needs a breathalizer
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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