Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Still dying that you shit outside
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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