note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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