I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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