I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
