They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
