I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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