this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
