every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
what day is it and did you see me today?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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