Plan B is the new Plan A
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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