Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
