I accidentally burped into my bong.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
