can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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