Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
