Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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