i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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