Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
