what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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