K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
