i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
