so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
