Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
