I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
