i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
