Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
