Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Rumble strips road head = magical
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
