So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
