I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
