wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
