Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
