im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
