this boner is exhausting
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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