kristin has been a bad kristin
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she woke up with a sticky ear
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
