My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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