Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
