I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so let's talk penis.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
this hospital has no fireball
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
