I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
