I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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